roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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