My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
