apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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