Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
