I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
