Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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