Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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