Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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