pop tarts are not kleenex
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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