pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Randomize