FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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