I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
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He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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