this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
