I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i came on her dog
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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