you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize