I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
