she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
