Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
