hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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