You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
