he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I queefed so loud it echoed.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
