In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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