i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize
