My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
The uberlube is also flammable
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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