Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
