ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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