My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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