just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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