I wish I could teleport
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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