We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
