Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
