My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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