Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
