btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
