She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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