What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
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My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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