Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
