I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I think I sprained my soul last night
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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