Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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