I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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