I wanna bring you to show and tell
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
