just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
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