You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
My vagina is very pro this idea
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
