What did we do last night that was yellow?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
