oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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