it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
