Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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