Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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