There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Randomize
