i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
