I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
