non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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