My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
