wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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