Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
just tell him i said nine months
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
