Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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