I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
