Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
