I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize