If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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