Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
